The world DOES NOT owe you a damn thing! Now let that sink in.

I can hear the “buts” coming: I can’t do this because… I had this happen to me so I can’t do…. Nobody will help me there for I can’t… I was supposed to get this, and I didn’t therefore I can’t…

I know that life is hard, that it really sucks sometimes, that things happen that are not in our control, and it is okay to wallow in that SOME of the time. I mean let’s get real, sometimes we want to feel sorry for ourselves. The problem lies when this becomes your mindset. When you begin to live as the victim instead of taking responsibility for your life, your actions, and your choices. Responsibility is about choice, it is about choosing to take the steps to make something different, about choosing to own your role in your circumstance.

If you are not happy with your life, it may be because you are not taking responsibility. If you answer yes to any of the following questions you may not taking responsibility and you may not be living your best life.

1. Is it somebody else’s fault why you are in the predicament you are in?

This one comes in many forms, some examples are:

• The guys that is always late, but always has an excuse as to why he couldn’t get there on time. Never just saying I was out late, I slept through my alarm, I misjudged when I should leave. I am sorry, it won’t happen again. (This is one way we take responsibility: we acknowledge, we apologize, and we commit to not doing it again)

• The girl that can’t get a job because she doesn’t have a degree. She doesn’t have a degree because she chose not to finish high school, and now it is the fast food chain’s fault for not hiring her. he can take responsibility by accepting that the jobs she is qualified for is limited and not blame it on other people. She can own that it was her choice to not finish school. She can take responsibility one step further and better her life by taking classes and getting her GED while she is looking for a job

2. Did something bad happen to you and that is why you are in this situation?

Traumatic events are no joke, and they should always be taken seriously. Often these events are out of our control, and they affect our ability to move through our lives with grace. So how do we take responsibility when something traumatic happened and ruined our life? We still have a choice. We have a choice how to handle it, and what to do after it happens. Sometimes our options seem bleak and scary, and often we need time to heal. So we can take some responsibility by taking time to heal, we can reach out to loved ones, we can reach out to support groups and networks, we can go see therapists, and healers, we can ask for help, and we can choose to get out of bed. We choose to put one foot in front of the other and do the best we can every day.

3. Did you try your best and it didn’t work? Do you say I don’t know how?

You did everything you were supposed to. You tried really had and it did not work out. And then what? Did you just give up? You take responsibility by getting up and trying it again. Were you able to ride a bike the first time you tried, even if you tried your best? No. But you got up and you tried it again, and again until you could. When you take responsibility you may have had to try it many different ways before you finally succeeded. We were not born knowing how to do everything. Learning how to do something new takes practice, trial and error. We may try very hard and we might “fail,” but each time you learn something, and you get up and you try again. You take responsibility.

4. Did you expect someone to help you and they didn’t?

So now what? Is that the only way that thing could have gotten done? Could you pay someone to help you? Could you learn how to do it yourself? Have you decided that the only way you can do anything is with someone else’s help? Maybe you decide that project isn’t worth it after all and you let it go. Letting it go does not mean telling everyone how you couldn’t do it because so and so did not help you, it means choosing not to do it because it is not worth it to you to find another way. When you take responsibility, you let it go, or you find another way.

5. Does it feel good when other people feel sorry for you? Is there always drama in your life?

Thriving on people feeling sorry for you is not healthy. Okay, sometimes we want a little sympathy, but I can tell you, your friends are sick of listening to you complain about your life; Unless you and your friends try to out victim each other, but that’s a topic for another day. Everyone has their own problems, nobody wants to hear about yours ALL THE TIME. Believe it or not you have control in your life. You hate your job? Take responsibility and get another job. Your partner is jerk, take responsibility and go to counseling, have a conversation with them, or leave them. You have control over these things.

 6. Are you mad about your life?

 Take responsibility and fix it. Nobody can do it for you.

7. Were you supposed to get some money from somewhere and didn’t?

Broken expectations suck!! But as I have said earlier take responsibility and find another way, or let it go.

 8. Is there someone that always picks up the pieces for you?

Do you not have to take responsibility because someone always does it for you?
The spouse that never had a job, and would be SOL if something happened and they were on their own.
The 40 year old child that still lives at home with no job and paying no rent.
Your parents always bail you out financially.
Your mom still does your laundry.
i’m sure you can think of many other examples 

9. Is the world and the system stacked against you?

This one is a doozy! Yes, sometimes and for some of us, the world is stacked against us, and it sucks, it’s not fair, and hopefully it will not always be that way. You have to work with what you have. I will say it again: the world does not owe you a damn thing. You take responsibility by not expecting the world to hand you poop at every turn, you first decide that the world will give you something great if you keep at it, you keep striving, if you tap into ALL of your resources, and you don’t give up. If you decide that everything, in every situation is stacked against you, it will be. Evaluate your situation, do your best, don’t blame others for your life, and don’t give up.

10. Are you mad at people who’s lives are going well?

I find this one so funny. People talk about how they want a better job, more money, a better spouse, but they are mad at the people that have those things. YOU ARE TELLING YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS THAT PEOPLE THAT HAVE MONEY, GOOD PARTNERS, GOOD JOBS ARE TERRIBLE PEOPLE. Why would your subconscious ever let you have those things, nobody wants to be a terrible person. Take responsibility, look at how other people are doing it, learn from them, model them, strive to have the qualities that allows them to have those things.